August 23, 2014

School Daze

My kids started school on Thursday.  I am already sick of it.

It never starts well.  How could it, when the first thing out of the gate is the demand for $100 worth of school supplies that will be put into the community pot in the classroom?  We are down to one kid that is of an age that requires the purchasing of a pre-packaged school supply kit.  The others are simply responsible for having the things each of their teachers require for class each day.

Meet the teacher night begins with an hour long hostage session, in which all participants are locked in the gymnasium and forced to listen to grown men plead for donations of cash and appreciated stock, for the educational foundation, so that little Johnny and Jane can have the Very Best Educational Experience.

The first two days of school, for the older kids, weren't even spent in class.  Instead, a motivational/team building group was hired to come in and get them all excited about the coming school year.  (This is the sort of thing that educational foundations think distinguish normal educations from exceptional ones, and they only need a donation of $2500 per kid to keep things exceptional).

Dropping my kids off the first morning was a treat, as dozens of newbie mommies and daddies decided that parking their car in the drop off lane, was the best way for them to get a keepsake 'first day' photo by the school sign.  Then there was a mom screeching at anyone that was blocking her view, as she videoed an artful long-shot of her little darling walking down the sidewalk toward her first day of kindergarten.  GMAFB.

Picking up wasn't any better, as the school, which has no mass transportation or pedestrian options, did a piss poor job of planning when they designed thoroughfares that can handle about 300 cars fewer than their actual capacity twice a day.

Some new teacher demanded that I roll down my window, through which she thrust this year's 'carline tag'.  She told me to write a last name and grade on the tag.  I have avoided this for the past six years because my children have actually been taught that they are to keep an eye out for me, and be at the appropriate place when I pull up to the loading zone.  This year they are insistent, that they must have a tag, it is for SAFETY.  Oh, safety.  That is why you use a bullhorn to broadcast my child's name and grade to all potential pedophiles that you claim to be protecting them from.  Ever wonder why other schools assign a number for these purposes?

I didn't fill out the tag on the spot.  And, I rather snottily told the insistent teacher, that my blended family has more names than their little tag calls for, which necessitates a family discussion as to which name we will put on the tag, so that all kids listen for the correct name to be called.  Which is kinda half true.  I have no intention of putting any actual names on the tag.  We are narrowing down our choices for a family pseudonym.  In the lead are "Von Liechtenstein", "Wong", "Safety", "Yes" (because I love the idea of the teachers hollering 'Yes!Yes!Yes!' in a bullhorn), and "Danger".


Mel said...

Ah Sol ( 3 x through a bullhorn)I see what you mean. ;-)

InsomniacSeeker said...

I'd use Frankenstein, and make sure they pronounce it Frankensteen instead of Frankenstine, but I guess you could do that with Von Liechtenstein.