April 4, 2014

Mall Rules

I generally try to avoid people.  Crowds of people.  I chuckle each time we gird our loins and make the trek to Ikea.  Those Swedes tried so hard to bring the European model of shopping here, laying out the store with a deliberate path, indicated by painted arrows on the floor and spotlights shining down on them.  Americans insist on knocking around like a pinball, we can't even manage to keep everyone walking on the right side of the aisle.

I had occasion to visit our local mall.  It is a relic, in the midst of, by my count, its fifth complete makeover since I moved here in 1985.  There is something to be said for a surviving mall of any sort, I suppose.

Shortly after my arrival, a young man jumped out in front of me, somewhere near Bath and Body Works, demanding to know about my skin care regime and thrusting some dish of crystallized matter at me.

A dozen or so steps later, someone wanted to curl my hair, which was ironic, as I normally dry it straight, but didn't this morning because of the humidity and wind.  So, they offered to curl my curly hair.

Further down the mall, some twit was flying some remote control contraption around his little kiosk.  The result being every boy and man trying to walk and look upward at the same time.  Luckily, they took the fountains out during remodel number two.

After side-stepping the distracted shoppers and saying "no thank you" to the umpteenth mallware hawker, I decided that some sort of demarcation system is in order.

I propose that each kiosk have a ring of, say, green floor tile.  This would indicate a free-to-roam and accost shoppers that wander through it area.

Next, a concentric area of yellow, the classic 'caution' color.  If a shopper wanders through it, the salesperson could engage them verbally, but not shove anything in their face or entangle a scalp massager in their hair without asking.

And, you guessed it, next would be the red zone, and beyond it, the normal flooring choice of the mall, a place where kiosk salespeople needn't tread, unless they are coming or going to their workstation.

Some people like these sales methods, so the yellow and green areas would give them plenty of space to peruse the wares of the pushy.  The rest of us could walk right on by, ignoring the hard sell, and not being hindered by the idiots that engage in the banter.

1 comment:

InsomniacSeeker said...

The last time I went to one of the malls in OKC, over a year ago, two friends and I went to the nail salon to get pedicures. It just so happened to be on one end of the mall, so it was easy in, easy out. I don't like malls.