October 30, 2013

Trading Places

Several years I go, I accompanied Boom to a midnight premier of the teenage vampire romance movie 'New Moon'.  Shortly after Taylor Lautner's (fully clothed) character appeared on screen for the first time, a girl some rows behind us called out, "Shut up and take your shirt off!" toward the screen.

This, of course, was a natural response to the preceding six months of shirtless movie trailers and teenage hormonal expectations of seeing little else.  I'll admit that it made the $8 popcorn a lot less painful.

Any amount of male skin showing in a movie that doesn't also feature female nudity is a rare occurrence, so I have little to no appreciation for actors demanding that directors justify requests for them to remove their shirts, in some gallant defense of their craft:
Hemsworth was reluctant to go naked from the waist up in an early scene in the "Thor" sequel in which the Avenger stands gleaming in the Asgardian moonlight. The Guardian points out that it kind of resembles the random beefcake moment in "Casino Royale" in which Daniel Craig and his ridiculous body emerged from the sea ... and, oddly enough, the whole thing was apparently "Avengers" director Joss Whedon's idea.
"That [scene] kind of came from Joss actually," said Hemsworth to MTV. "He just said that there needed to be something romantic in there. Then he said, 'Chris, get your shirt off.' I said, 'Well, I don't know. What's the why? What are we doing?' The justification was that it was him coming home from battle, washing blood off his hands. It is what it is. How to weigh into that without sounding like an idiot?"
And, the aforementioned Taylor Lautner, and seemingly eternally semi-nude Matthew McConaughey, claim to hate disrobing on screen as well.  Boo-frickin'-hoo.  Like anyone saw 'Magic Mike' for the plot.

There just hasn't been anywhere near an equitable amount of gratuitous male nudity in film, so 'shut up and take your shirt off' is the least of the demands female moviegoers could be making.  Even on this list of the '9 Greatest Penis Moments in Movies", four of the members highlighted are prosthetics or CGI.

If you boys are feeling inadequate, blame it on movie directors that choose plastic over real flesh.

Oh, and I almost forgot:


InsomniacSeeker said...

Is this the guy who was going to be in the Shades of Grey movie? He would have been showing a whole lot more than his bare chest if he had done that movie.

Harper said...

Not the guy, but I think he would have been a good choice!