June 19, 2013

Twilight Zone

I came into work a little early today, as I would like to leave early and do a couple of things with my kids before it is dinner and bed time.  It seems as if the entire month of June will pass me by, nearly a month into their summer vacation, and I will have only seen them for fleeting hours.

So I came to work, was sifting through various stacks of paperwork, answering emails, filing documents.  I turned my chair to reach for something and there sat my wedding ring, on a sheet of scratch paper.

I have no memory of taking it off.  I didn't wash my hands, or apply lotion.  I hadn't been doing anything that might require taking it off.  I don't remember any discomfort that would cause me to remove it.

When I reached for it, it was cold - so it sat there for a few minutes at least.

Growing older doesn't generally bother me.  I don't have any vanity about wrinkles or graying hair.  I recognize and accept that I don't have the same reflexes, flexibility, or hangover recovery time as I did twenty years ago.  But, losing my mind terrifies me.   And every time I lose something, or find something I forgot I lost, I wonder if one day I will wake up and it will all be gone.  Will I be blissfully unaware of the impairment, or trapped in a world that I know isn't right?

I would rather have some external force to blame for what is clearly my doing.  At least there would be an explanation.

2 comments:

Titan Mk6B said...

I like to think that at a certain age your head becomes full and for something to go in something has to fall out. I forgot things all the time when I was younger but apparently I have forgotten that.

Shelly Fabares summed it up beautifully. Alzheimers is not forgetting where you parked your car. It's forgetting what a car is for.

Anonymous said...

We like to call it distraction. Like taking it off to apply lotion and then spotting something you wanted to handle first before doing it. Then you forget about the lotion and ring. Happens a lot in this house. Mel.