September 18, 2012

Too fat to die

I cannot think about politics, foreign relations, national security or anything related to it without throwing up. 
So let's poke fun at a fat guy that killed someone thirty years ago and is using obesity as the basis to request a stay of execution.

First point; how does someone whose meals are provided by the taxpayer end up weighing 480 pounds?  Can someone get Brad and Angelina on the phone and point out that there are skinny ass American children that are starving and are skin and bones, while we have murderers the size of a Smart car?  If anybody can get the attention of political leaders, it is Brangelina.
Ronald Post, who shot and killed a hotel clerk in northern Ohio almost 30 years ago, said his weight, vein access, scar tissue and other medical problems raise the likelihood his executioners would encounter severe problems. He's also so big that the execution gurney might not hold him, lawyers for Post said in federal court papers filed Friday.
I am fairly certain the floor will hold him.  Strap his fat ass to the floor.  Duct tape him.  Hell, if you can get him there, he probably can't get back up on his own anyway.
"Indeed, given his unique physical and medical condition there is a substantial risk that any attempt to execute him will result in serious physical and psychological pain to him, as well as an execution involving a torturous and lingering death," the filing said.
And the problem with a torturous and lingering death is what, exactly?  I am so sorry, did I miss the part where he gently placed his victim on a padded gurney, gave him the chance to see his family one last time, say a few words and then go gently to sleep?  Enforce the damn death penalty with some gusto, boys.  Put a bullet through him - doubt that vein access and scar tissue would cause any problems for a .30 cal.

Here's an idea.  Stop feeding him.  I'm not saying starve him to death, just give him bread and water until his January execution date.  Better yet, let's get him one of those taxpayer funded lap band surgeries.  Hire him a personal Pilates trainer.  Whatever it takes to make sure he is skinny enough to enjoy a painless and comfortable execution.


kerrcarto said...

Place him right in front of the hole and shoot him.. That way he doesn't have to concern himself with someone carrying him to his grave. Done deal.

InsomniacSeeker said...

Let's just fire up "Old Sparky", and give the rest of the inmates a BBQ the next meal.