September 20, 2012

Life is messy

I have a husband, kids and animals.  Some things in life are messy.  Some are messy by design and some messes are required to set things straight again.  (Mr. Harper loves to clean out the garage by removing damn near everything, sweeping it clean and putting everything back).

Then there are the accidental messes.  Obviously, childhood and illnesses cause memorable messy experiences.  Why is it that kids have such bad aim when they are vomiting?  And why do dogs run from the tile floor to the carpet to throw up?   I have powered (and steam cleaned) through our entire family of six having a stomach bug at the same time.

My kitchen has seen its share of accidental messes.  Kids spill things.  Dishes get broken.  Eggs dropped.  Dishwater slopped.  Pots boil over.  Once a Pyrex baking dish exploded in my oven.  It was a horrific mess, but well contained.  Bonus points to the company for disavowing any responsibility for faulty cookware but inexplicably sending an entire new set of bake ware and giving me a $100 credit at their online store.

I once dropped a two-gallon humidifier tank that I had just refilled.  Lots of water and broken plastic on the floor.  I knocked a glass mixing bowl out of a dish drainer and into the sink.  That involved uber-paranoid clean up with the power turned off as I had to get the glass out of the garbage disposal.

Once Boom knocked a bottle of oil-based salad dressing out of the refrigerator door.  And to this point, that oily, broken glass, all over the refrigerator and its contents mess held the record for worst pain in the ass clean up.  Until now.

While cooking dinner last night, I went to fetch something from the top shelf of my pantry.  In the process, a package of pancake mix came tumbling down, and somewhere in the millisecond that I was blinded by the bag, a liter bottle of balsamic vinegar fell to the floor.

This mess takes the award for number of surfaces I managed to soil - tile floor, wood floor, carpet, wallpaper, refrigerator, painted wall, pantry, pantry contents, kitchen cabinets, chair, shoes, backpack, homework folder, dog bowl, oven and me.  The debris field extended out at least 10 feet in every direction that it could go - otherwise stopped by appliances, cabinets and walls.  My legs had dozens of little pinprick wounds from tiny pieces of glass. 

I haven't pulled the refrigerator out yet, opting to clean what I could reach and wait for daylight and some help for whatever is further under it.  The carpet seems to be glass free, but the stains aren't completely gone. 

When it first happened, I wanted to cry - it is one of those catastrophes that you look at and aren't sure where to begin - well, where to begin after you get the bleeding stopped.  But what got me through three hours on my hands and knees cleaning was one constant thought; it was ugly and messy and a wreck, but it paled in comparison to The Caramel Pie Story.   


CenTexTim said...

Your domestic life sounds like a series of shows from I Love Lucy. When do you start work at the candy factory?

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Passing this link on to my Mama.
Thanks for the traffic !


Harper said...

Tim - I can stuff a ton of candy in my gob, but am more of a Vitameatavegamin girl.