June 16, 2012

Whiz Kids

Waaaaay back when I was a young teenager, many hours of my misspent youth was spent hanging out at a strip center that provided a large parking lot for Frisbee playing and car parking, to watch those that were 'cruising'.  There was an arcade called 'The Wiz', and it was behind this particular business that a boy I knew got busted for public urination, earning the nickname "Whiz Kid".

The other day, Crash and I had grabbed a bite at Chick-Fil-A and were getting in the car when a lady came rushing to the SUV parked next to ours, with two kids in tow.  She was telling them to hurry, and turned to the little boy and said, "You need to go potty, don't you?"

My thoughts at this point were that she needed something out of the car, before heading back into the restaurant with the perfectly serviceable restroom.  As I was buckling Crash in, the lady opened the back of her SUV, revealing a potty chair.

Bear in mind, that our row of parking was directly adjacent to the glass walled side of the dining room of the restaurant, as well as being parallel to the very busy drive through line.

Before I could process the meaning of the plastic potty chair in the cargo area of her Mary Kay SUV, down came Little Johnnie's trousers, as she plopped him down on the chair and backed off to put her other kid in the car and let the boy do his business.  With the back liftgate in the full upright and open position.  With no fewer than 30 pairs of eyes staring at him.

I was more than a little taken aback.  Was this some germaphobe mom that won't let her precious offspring's ass touch a public toilet seat?  Was she one of those whackjobs that won't take a preschool boy into the women's restroom with her?  I even, charitably, wondered if the boy had some medical or mental issue necessitating the car-john.  Perhaps he can't go without his particular potty.

The mental image stuck with me, so I eventually Googled it.  Apparently, potty chairs in the car are a thing.  Modern moms everywhere are opting for the convenience of potties on the go.  Because traffic can be bad.  Or parks can be restroom-free. 

I cannot imagine the smell of a car potty.  I don't care how expedient the mom is at emptying and cleaning - there is residual odor.

There was a time when it was accepted that sometimes, nature called at unexpected or inconvenient times and places, and when it did, the side of the road, behind the car door, or a near tree or bush was an acceptable substitute.  Our polite society didn't get too bent out of shape, or stare, and the pee-ers were subtle as possible about it.  Why should I, and the entire drive through line, have to stare at Little Johnny hunkered down in the back of mom's Suburban?  What was that woman thinking?

I am going to devote my day to thinking up the dumbassiest ideas I can, like putting a potty chair in my car, and submit them to Parents magazine or whatever the hell kind of magazine it is that prints these ridiculous child-rearing ideas.

1 comment:

CenTexTim said...

Eewww ... a port-o-potty on wheels. Gross.