February 7, 2012

We could have put an eye out

Two blondes walk into a barn carrying a golf ball, a ten pound dumbbell and a Red Ryder BB gun.

Sounds like there is a punchline coming, but, no.  This is a description of Boom and me yesterday afternoon.

My parents and their across-the-street neighbor are out of town.  We are gathering eggs at the neighbor's and keeping an eye on the house for my parents.  My stepdad has a habit of ordering things right before he leaves town, so I am always on the lookout for a UPS delivery.  My parents left Sunday morning and we made the swing by their house on the way home from school, to check on things.

I noticed the barn door was cracked open.  Now, the door needs a new knob and doesn't always latch without some jiggling - and that was my first thought as I took off walking toward it, 'Somebody didn't get the door shut before they left.'  Then, I slowed a little realizing that something else might be afoot.  I turned and made sure the kids waiting in the car had my cell phone out and ready and knew what to do.  What I didn't do was turn around and go in the house to get a weapon, I guess I didn't want to give up any ground by backtracking at that point, should someone be watching from inside the barn.  I would have lost sight of several escape routes, had I gone into the house for a gun.

Boom decided to be brave and followed me offering to grab the dog poop scooping implements that were nearby or the snake-killing hoe that is kept by the back door.  She settled for picking up an errant golf ball from the putting green, ready to bean someone on the head with it.

The Red Ryder BB gun was leaning up on the barn porch, where my stepdad likes to sit and plink at the sparrows that nest under the barn roof.  We made a ruckus going in, but the noise of a lever action BB gun isn't nearly as reassuring as the chick-chick of a pump action shotgun.

I stepped in and hit the light switch.  Boom grabbed the dumbbell.  Nothing seemed amiss, all of the tools and electronics were in their places, undisturbed.  The other side of the barn houses my stepdad's home away from home, his Casita RV.  The door side was facing away from us, but we could see it was wide open.  Neither of us could remember if that was the usual state of the door, so more loud tough talk ensued as we walked toward it.  I nosed the barrel of the Red Ryder in ahead of me, listening for any little sound that would indicate someone was inside.  I did my best Horatio Cain impression opening the bathroom door with my foot while keeping the gun trained on the opening.  It was empty, as well.

We secured the building and had a little laugh at our stupidity and courage.  I think the best thing we had going for us was the reputation of Texas women.  It is an off day when the only weapon at hand is a BB gun, regardless, we could have done some damage with the rest of our improvised weapons.


CenTexTim said...

Brave, yes, but perhaps not the most sensible thing to do. What if there had been a couple of 200+ pound thugs with knives inside the barn?

Go in the house and get a gun. Call 911. So what if doing so lets someone escape. Property is replaceable. You and Boom are not.

I had a female friend do the same thing you did. She was lucky. She only got beaten. It could have been much, much worse...

Harper said...

Forgive my comedic license. While there was a very slight possibility that someone could have gotten in the barn, there were absolutely no indications of it. The door is highly visible from a well traveled street and requires a walk across a half-acre of open ground, there were no foreign vehicles, none of the dogs showed concern, etc. My past experience with actual intruders is that they don't leave doors open while they are there, contrary to horror movies and crime dramas.

CenTexTim said...

Ah well, as long as the dogs weren't concerned, it's okay. :-)

And don't forget that in horror movies the fleeing female always turns and looks back, then trips over something and falls down.

I didn't mean to come across as lecturing, but my friend in a similar situation got a broken nose and a couple of busted ribs, plus the emotional trauma. I'd hate to see that happen to anyone else.

kerrcarto said...

Youy don't pack heat in your car? WTF is wrong with you woman?

Harper said...

I have a 4-year old hellion and a teenage driver, with two more kids in between. Two many negative hypotheticals come to mind for me to keep a gun in my car right now.

I think getting called to the school office as a 16-year old and being raked over the coals for the visible case of beer in my car left an impression (my mom had driven my car the night before and left her softball team's leftovers in the hatchback. I didn't notice when I left for school the next day).