January 7, 2012

Avoid Ghetto

Like Shirley MacLaine's portrayal of  Ouiser Boudreaux in Steel Magnolias, I someday hope to be of the appropriate age and character to get away with saying whatever the hell comes to mind.  It takes a certain amount of snark and wrinkles to get people to tolerate and/or believe what you say.  I bet this lady knows exactly what I am talking about:
A Fayette County jury cleared 67-year-old Alberta Kelley of drug possession and manufacture charges on Wednesday after she told them she simply tossed a handful of seeds into her garden after a bearded stranger gave them to her.
Connellsville police charged Kelley a year ago after receiving a tip about Kelley’s garden. Investigators say they found seven well-cultivated, four-foot marijuana plants behind her home.

But Kelley claimed she didn’t know what she was growing. She said she’d been given the seeds by a stranger in a pointy hat who told her they were flower seeds.
'A stranger in a pointy hat'?  C'mon, folks, at some point you must realize she is toying with you.  The article doesn't say, but I am betting that Ms Kelley's glaucoma is well controlled.

Along the same lines, politicians sometimes try to speak harsh truths to the citizenry.  Not many can get away with it - it takes an extreme level of respect and a heartfelt, 'I know what is best for you' sort of fatherly delivery and self-deprecating humor to be successful.  Ronald Reagan could do it.  Newt 'Paychecks not Food Stamps' Gingrich, not so much.

Bill Gates has always struck me as a democrat.  I am not sure why, and I am certainly wrong, if one is to believe his donation record.  With over 100 Microsoft  lobbyists in D.C. and Gates giving over $192k to Republicans, Gates seems to be well to the right.  Therefore, it won't be long before this little patent story is somehow linked to every GOP candidate and used to escalate Blowie's class warfare campaign strategy::
Microsoft has been granted a patent for its “avoid ghetto” feature for GPS devices.
A GPS device is used to find shortcuts and avoid traffic, but Microsoft’s patent states that a route can be plotted for pedestrians to avoid an “unsafe neighborhood or being in an open area that is subject to harsh temperatures.”
Too bad those people Newt is trying to speak to can't install an 'avoid ghetto' feature into their offspring.

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