December 13, 2011

Mayor Dipshit of WTFville

Why do the idiots of the world persevere?  Seriously, why do the most jacked up, embarrassing excuses for humans seem to forge on, while good people struggle and face adversity?

Back in the spring, my town elected a buffoon for mayor.  You may be thinking to yourself, 'Harper is just saying that because she doesn't like his politics'.  You are wrong.

He is a convicted criminal.  All Class A misdemeanors, and it takes a Class B to be legally disqualified.  You woulda thought that nine charges ranging from deadly conduct to DWI would keep someone from getting elected, but that isn't the case around here.  Buffoon.

He has told colorful stories about his arrest record.  Apparently he doesn't realize that those convictions are a matter of public record. Most recently, he was convicted of a DWI.  He got pulled over four months prior to the election - he was actually under indictment for the charge when 254 deranged people voted him into office.  He had an excuse for the DWI, first telling a lively tale of having two beers with his dinner and getting pulled over.  Then he changed the story and claimed that it was really all about some confusion over an open container found in his car - because he had been picking up litter that included beer cans.  Those records (and evidence photos) are also open to the public (though he is unaware). You be the judge - was there any reason to question the sobriety of the driver of this car?

The buffoon is a pathological liar.  He lies about everything, with no apparent reason.  Among the bios he gave various media outlets during the election, he has given four different answers as to his college education.  All of them are lies.  I don't think he realizes that people can check transcripts.  I don't think he realizes that some people read more than one local news site.  Looking at the bio he gave our local paper, compared to what I know now, the ONLY things he didn't lie about were his name and age.  Seriously.  Everything else is a fabrication.

This man tool is making a mockery of my town.  He follows town workers around, questioning everything they do.  He slept with the town receptionist (there's some job security for her).  His mother attends every meeting and hisses at anyone that questions her baby boy.  It is too juvenile and embarrassing to fully describe.

Tonight, I disagreed with him and he told me that from that point forward, I could only speak when he gave me permission.  He said this in a public forum.  In an official town meeting.  On tape.  For the record.  In front of my son and his Boy Scout Troop.  I haven't ever wanted to do someone real physical harm before, in the way that I wanted to snap the neck holding up his pudgy fuckface.  I had a red zone, psychotic-episode type of irrational violent thought - with the image of his bloody dented skull making me smile.

I didn't shut up, incidentally.  Not tonight, not ever.  I might not be there to kick around in a few months, but you can rest assured I am going to leave you with some battle scars to remember me by.

Maybe for fun I will put his DWI dashcam video on YouTube and send the link out to the town email list.


CenTexTim said...

"Maybe for fun I will put his DWI dashcam video on YouTube and send the link out to the town email list."

I like it...

InsomniacSeeker said...

good plan.

kerrcarto said...

Dude keeps a pretty clean car doesn't he.

Anonymous said...

Hey! He smokes American Spirits like me! I like him already!

Anonymous said...

Um, but on a serious note...distribute the dashcam video. Don't use your email address. Create a fake email address on yahoo and distribute it from there. LOLz!!

Harper said...

I need to figure out how to edit the video to hit the high points, plus I would like to add text from the police report to highlight the really entertaining bits. Like when he goes for the blood draw and asks if they can take it from his buttocks. Comedy gold.

H2o said...

Bring him to Bandera....We can fuck with him instead of CD. :D

Harper said...

Nah, Bandera is a special place that should never be fouled with the likes of Mayor Dipshit. Plus, we pick on CD because we like him.

CharlieDelta said...

It took me 0.0001 seconds to know the guy is a douchebag of major proportions when I saw he drinks Coors Light. I'm sorry, but if you get a DUI after drinking Coors Lights, you are:

A.) One stupid motherf**ker that spent a bunch of money on a few pallets of cases of CL's to get the same buzz as you could've had with two 40's of real beer.
B.) A major lightweight
C.) A douchebag
D.) All the above

The answer is D

H20 and Harper-
As much as I dramatize my getting fucked with at Blownstar, it's really not that bad. You don't go over the top and make it lame like we've all seen on the internet. All things considered, if I am going to be the fuckEE then I am honored by having you two as the fuckERS! LOL!:-)