November 23, 2011

The things my kids say in public...

...that will result in a visit from CPS.

The wide spread of ages among my kiddos (4, 8, 14 and 17) and the closeness of our family mean that the younger ones are sometimes exposed to things that they probably wouldn't be, otherwise.

Over the past couple of weeks, my kids have taken a liking to this song, which is featured in some upcoming movie.  It is a catchy little party anthem kind of song titled 'Young, Wild and Free'.  The radio edit is slightly cleaner than the official version, but the bridge stays the same with a repeated lyric of 'roll one, smoke one'.  It seemed benign until The Princess was singing it as she got out of the car at school last Friday morning. 

As everyone knows by now, Ben & Jerry's (I won't link, see if you can tell why) has a new flavor of ice cream titled 'Schweddy Balls'.  Boom and a friend were talking about which stores carried it, within earshot of the younger siblings.  Then, Ben and Jerry, their ownselves, were in town last week.  They had come to serve ice cream to the Occupy Dallas folks, but the occuidiots were evicted before the ice cream could be scooped, so B & J did some other personal appearance stuff around town that was covered by news outlets, and seen by my kids.

Cut to this afternoon, a grocery store crowded with Thanksgiving shoppers, and my 4-year old, whose eyes lit up as I turned down the frozen food aisle, in search of cinnamon ice cream to make hot buttered rum batter with.  I believe the count was two horrified older people and five or six snickering hipsters when Crash let loose with, "I want Schweddy Balls!  Mom, I said I want Schweddy Balls.  Schweddy Balls, Schweddy Balls, Schweddy Baaaaaallllls."

I try to remember that words are often just sounds for the younger kids.  They don't know that what they are saying is provocative in any way.  They do realize when they get a humored reaction, though they don't know why.

The Dachshund parted with the family jewels this morning.  After dropping him off at the vet's early this morning for the surgery, I was met at the door by Crash, who clearly had something on his mind.  'Mom, what are testicles?', he asked, pronouncing it something like 'tessaculls'.

When I explained, and also reiterated the correct pronunciation and a few other words that he might better recognize, he solemnly told me that the dog was getting his cut off.  'I know,' I said, 'it's so he can't be a daddy'.

Crash thought about that for a minute and asked, 'Can he be a mommy?'

Oh, child, if only it were that easy.

1 comment:

CenTexTim said...

"The Dachshund parted with the family jewels this morning."

You women are all alike. You lure some poor unsuspecting male into what he thinks is a safe refuge, and then ... SNIP!